Taking the rough with the smooth

One day, my father and I were looking at the clouds after some heavy rain.  He pointed at one of the clouds and said to me “that cloud has a bright silver edge”.  I quickly replied “every cloud has one”, but then I wondered if the old saying “every cloud has a silver lining” was really true.

I amused myself by examining it literally.  Apparently, some clouds have silver lining, some have golden lining.  But some don't seem to have any, especially at night.

In life there are pleasant things that we call good and the unpleasant we could call bad.  But how do we take the rough with the smooth?

I would like to share with you some ways of accepting the unpleasant aspects of life as well as the good.  I will compare three methods of doing so.  The first one is to satisfy your own needs.  The second one is to find explanation for the causes of unpleasant things.  But the method I find the most useful and powerful is to look for the purpose and see how unpleasant things can result in good things.

Unpleasant things can make us sad and stressed.  To avoid burn out, it is necessary to satisfy our physical, psychological and spiritual needs.  Apart from the very basic physical needs like food, clothing and shelter, we should also take care of our mental health.  According to the Mental Health Foundation's Five Ways to Wellbeing, to stay mentally healthy we need to: 1) connect with the people around us, 2) give by doing something nice for others, 3) take notice of the world around us to appreciate what matters to us, 4) challenge ourselves by learning new things and seeking out new experiences, and 5) do what you enjoy and be active.  The most direct way of coping is doing what brings happiness.  Do a few simple things that makes you happy, for example consuming chocolate, coffee and cake, and hobbies like sports, swimming, skydiving, shopping and spending time with loved ones.

But that's not all.  We want to know why.  As humans, we ask why unpleasant things happen more than why good things happen.  Throughout human history, we have spent thousands of years to explain the causes of suffering through religion, philosophy and science.  Some believe in Karma – that good and bad things are the result of good and bad deeds respectively.  Some believe things do happen for no reason – it's just luck.  Some believe we can still be happy if we have a clear conscience that the suffering is not caused by our own fault.  Scientists have found the causes of various illnesses, which paves the way for finding cures.  Sociologists have identified causes of poverty.  Psychologists have also found that negative thinking contribute to the perception of pain.

However, I'm still not satisfied with just the above explanations.  Most of the time, you need to take action before the good results.  The purpose becomes clearer when you actively seek it with positive thinking and actions.  Tough times test us to reveal our strengths and weaknesses, which help us find our ways.  When you think more positively, you'll realise that things are better than you have thought.  Tough times teach us compassion, which enables us to help and support others going through similar situations.

Purpose is more important than the cause.  Let’s not focus on the past cause, but look at the future effects.  There is a purpose for things that are considered bad like a disability.

In this imperfect world, there's pleasure and there's pain.  If you don't see a silver lining, perhaps there's a golden one.  And if you still don't see any, wait for the morning after.  In every bad situation there is an element of good.